Posted Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:03 AM
I've had the strangest week. I blogged last Tuesday about being upset over nothing and feeling depressed and unfortunately, that feeling didn't go away. I was up and down all week crying, not eating, having a really hard time getting to sleep. I even considered leaving for a little while, going to stay with a friend or something. I buried myself in books because I couldn't face the real world and the only time I did was Saturday night when I got completely hammered at our friends Buck and Doe and made a complete fool of myself. Something for which I am totally mortified about, because I'm not that girl. I'm not the girl who gets so drunk she makes a fool of herself in front of my friends and DH's colleagues. I had to take the afternoon off work last Wednesday because I knew I was going to end-up crying everywhere. I wanted to be alone but when I got home DH was there because he had called in sick due to his chronic back pain. So that backfired on me too. But, luckily, because he was sore, he stayed in the bedroom so I got the living room etc. to myself.
Sunday night was the worst. DH had to work one of his very rare weekend nights and I was home alone for the evening (which I was thankful for because I wanted to be alone). I was having total panic attacks, getting short of breath, my heart would start pounding and I'd start sweating. It got so bad that I filled the bath tub up with cold water and sat in it to shock my system into calming down. I was on the verge of tears all night. I was a total mess. Monday morning was much the same, but by Monday night I had started to calm down a bit. Yesterday was probably my best day, although I have a feeling that today is going to be even better.
I don't know what was wrong with me. I was freaking out, but I couldn't totally figure out why. We are moving out of our apartment in 2 weeks to stay with my MIL for the summer until we buy a house, and DH and my parents said that was probably what was bothering me, but I truly don't think that's what it was. I was thinking about a lot of things. I probably shouldn't get into them now because I'll start feeling crappy again and I don't want to do that.
Thank god I'm feeling better.... what an awful week for me and everyone around me. My poor DH is so good to put up with me when I get like that, although I've never been that bad for that long before. WHAT'S THE DEAL!?!