Tuesday, March 30, 2010

School... it's always about school!

Tomorrow is my final macroeconomics class!!!! I’m beyond pumped about this!

Now that that's out of my system.... I have my first exam on Thursday night (HUMA) after which I will get my big research paper back! Yikes! I don’t have any exams next week so I will finish my last 2 online classes and prepare for that exam which is the following Tuesday. I signed up for an exam/professor specific economics “tutoring” session with this guy who (as a PhD in economics) is supposed to be a genius at teaching the stuff. That’s the weekend before I write that exam and it’s “guaranteed understanding or you don’t pay” so I thought it was worth a shot instead of crying over my notes for weeks trying to teach myself the material. Even if it’s not as great as I hope, it’s only $40 so it’s worth it to me if it’s going to help at all. So, but the 21st I’ll be done everything for this semester and have 1.5 weeks before summer term starts. Can’t wait!

I haven’t totally made a decision about returning to school. I want to, and I’m registered for summer semester so MH and I will have to discuss finances etc before I make my final decision. I have until the week before class starts to make up my mind, so we’ll see. I’m trying to stay positive about it. 

Maybe I'll win the lottery??  Hey... it could happen!

Good News....Can You Believe It???

I TOLD you I wasn't as negative and whiney as I've been coming across lately.

We finally got some good news about my father-in-law! He was back in yesterday for a scope and CT – scan and was told that it looks like the cancer is isolated to the tumor and hasn’t penetrated the lining of his esophagus yet. If that’s actually the case, it means removing the tumor itself, and that’s that! We don’t have the results of the CT yet and the Oncologist still wants to do tests of his own- but the doctor said he was more confident than ever that it had been caught earlier enough to not be a major problem. Hooray!

Now we just have to convince him to quit chewing his damn tobacco and maybe we won’t have to worry about this again! According to tall the research I’ve done, the leading causes of this type of cancer are (and I’ll “check” the ones that affect my FIL): chewing tobacco-check, excessive alcohol consumption-check, excessive spicy foods/poor diet-check, excessive consumption of hot drinks- not really, chronic acid reflux -check. Yeah… so as you can see, he’s basically working against himself. I hope that the fact that he was so lucky this time will wake him up enough to quit the chew. It’s disgusting anyway. 

Moving on….my Aunt B is at home! She’s not back to work yet and needs someone (my other aunt) to stay with her, but the doctors think she’s out of the woods and on the mend! She has major liver damage and will have to make some changes to her (already fairly healthy) lifestyle, but she’s going to be fine. Double hooray!

Both Aunts with breast cancer are undergoing precautionary post-surgery radiation and are doing very well. Triple hooray!!

Finally having some positive news about our families has really lifted some of the tension that's been hanging out in our house lately.  It's really nice to skip the panic attacks every time the phone rings or my blackberry vibrates.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Weekly To-Do

I've had a sort of brain wave about one way to make my crazy schedule a little bit easier to handle.  Yes- I have a blackberry whose calendar and task alert list if full to the brim, yes- I have igoogle with google calendar, also bursting with stuff to do, but I need a way to track more of the mundane stuff that needs to be done.  My calendar's are full of actual events etc.... I need a to-do list.  So, the plan at least for now, it to start posting a weekly to-do list here. 

Lucky you right?  Not the most exciting thing to read about?  Well, don't worry, I'm not doing this for the benefit of anyone other than myself so feel free to skip these entries all together.

WeeklyToDo: March 29 - April 4

Monday: work, book accomodations for S&B's wedding, grocery store, burgers for dinner, call Dad, study at least 5 new chapters and review first 3 chapters for HUMA exam, read at least 30 pages of HOTM, garbage out- COMPLETE

Tuesday: work, stop at FS to pickup benefits form, pork and sidekick cheater dinner, studying remaining chapters for HUMA exam, read at least 30 pages of HOTM, cancel party plans for the 10th

Wednesday: work, mail benefits submission, class, review all notes for Thursdays exam

Thursday: work, exam, read at least 30 pages of HOTM, laundry and maybe some cleaning

Friday (holiday): Mum's for brunch, clean bathrooms, kitchen, floors, second to last online class, read as much of HOTM as possible

Saturday: last online class, dusting & vaccum, Tara's for dinner (bring dessert)

Sunday: finish HOTM, dinner @ R&C's, start ITTOB

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Perfect Fifths- Megan McCafferty

So, just a short year after completing the first 4 books I finally decided to dive back in and finish this Jessica Darling series. Perfect Fifths was just that.... perfect. And it was definitely my favorite of the series, making-up for my disappointment with Thirds and Fourths.

After going through the first 4 books with Marcus as such as mystery, it was really fascinating to get inside his head and get his side of the story. The dual POV's in third person was a really refreshing departure from the journal style of the early books and I found it a much easier read.

The section of strictly dialogue was impressive and incredibly enjoyable. I felt like I was actually witnessing a conversation, rather than just reading about it. The haiku portion was comical on its own and I really enjoyed it as well. It was a nice throwback to earlier JD. I think the different styles throughout really made this book what it is.

I actually really liked and sympathized with Jessica in this installment, which is a difference from the first 4 in which she pretty much drove me crazy. Her growth and maturity really showed and made her much easier for me to like.

All-in-all I was very happy with this conclusion and am glad to finally have some closure for these characters.

**Spoiler alert**:
I loved that Marcus had been pining for Jessica since their split, and it made me love him more than I had in any of the others books. I'm still no Marcus Flutie junkie, but I understood his appeal a little more after this book.

And THANK GOD Jessica came to terms with her love for Marcus. I think it was important that she come to grips with it on her own and it made it even more believable.

A great ending.

Monday, March 22, 2010


Our roof is literally falling off of our house. We knew it would have to be replaced within a couple of years of buying and now that we’re in spring # 2, we’re starting to see shingles in the backyard. So, it’s time to have them replaced.

One problem- we’re broke. Like… totally broke. I have a very strict budget that we follow every month and when all the bills are paid, school savings put away, groceries purchased and there’s gas in the car we have $100 left over for incidentals/debt repayments if we’re lucky. I’m 7 days into this month’s budget with $66 leftover. Unfortunately, that doesn’t buy or even make payments on a roof and even if it did, I don’t want to eat up what miniscule incidental budget we have with another payment. What happens when we need the oil changed or a new furnace filter??

The only solution is for me to quit school and take on a second job. This will free up the money that I put aside every month for tuition, the extra money it costs in gas and parking to get down to school as well as whatever extra I make at the second job. That will pay for a roof pretty quickly. But now, I feel like this last school year has been a colossal waste of time and money that now has me $2500 more in debt for nothing plus all the money I paid into out outside of what I borrowed. More importantly though, I feel like a failure. People make this work all the time, and I can’t do it. It’s going to be totally embarrassing to have to tell everyone that I had to quit.

My plan right now is to finish this semester since next week is the final week of classes, and then start looking for a second job to start end of April when my exams are done. Hopefully I’ll have the money I need to do the roof by the fall… the windows are going to start needing replacing soon so I’ll probably keep the job to do that and/or pay off some debt (which we have a ton of).

I think I’ve decided that I should probably start looking for another full-time job as well. I don’t want to leave my current one, but I haven’t had a raise in 3 years and it doesn’t look like they’ll be starting to hand them out any time soon (wage freeze) so I have to make the change for myself. Cost of living increases, plus we’ve bought a house in that time, and I’m still on the same salary… it’s not good.

Where does my husband play into all of this you ask? That’s a whole other story. He works full-time but his job pays next to nothing (it might as well be minimum wage). I’ve been begging him to look for something else for about 5 years now, and if he didn’t want to get something else to at least consider taking on a part-time job. He says “ya ya ya” and is all in agreement but never acts on it. When I ask him about it lately, the response is “find me something”. Don’t get me wrong, he has picked up a lot of my slack at home since I returned to school (he makes my meals, does a lot of the cleaning, shovels/mows the lawn, does the garbage, does the laundry) but unfortunately, none of that brings in more money. I’d rather have to make my own meals than be sinking financially. Actually- when I think about it, he’s even getting lazy about some of that stuff now too. It’s starting to put a lot of strain on our relationship. I don’t know if he feels it yet, but I certainly do. I know it will be hard for him to find something else since we only have 1 car and I need it to get to work and school, but it can be done.

I know everyone is going to say to sit down and talk to him about it again, but I've been doing that for years, and more often as this winter is coming to an end because I knew the roof would have to be done, but  nothing ever happens.  I've had my hopes up several times when he says "yeah- you're right. I really need to find something else" and then nothing.  I'm done waiting. If I want it done, I just have to do it myself.  So here's me giving up what I want, to get what we need. Not good - I don't know if I'll be able to get over this.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Hoping for Rain

My big research paper is due in class tonight. I finished it on Tuesday, actually Wednesday morning at about 1 am, thank god. I plan to re-read once more today on my lunch break and make any last minute tweaks and changes. I’m actually looking forward to class tonight, although I have to admit I usually do with my Thursday class, but especially tonight when I’ll put the paper in my Prof’s hands and never have to think about it again (except the nerves and jitters waiting for a mark which I probably won’t get since we only have 2 lectures left after tonight). It’s been hanging over my head since September, so it’s beyond satisfying to have it done. I’m going to celebrate by stopping by the library tonight after class (I don’t care that it will be almost 11pm) and returning all my reference materials. I also finished my final 2 case study submissions for my OB class last week and did well; I actually got bonus marks on one!

So, what does all this mean? It means that this weekend I’m going to crash. Yes- I still have online classes to do, and yes, exams are coming up in a couple weeks, but I’m exhausted and am going to take advantage of this weekend to ignore everything that has anything to do with school. We’ve got tentative plans for Friday and Saturday night, but I’m almost debating cancelling. I just want to sleep and get a little reading done. It’s funny because I’m always saying I’m bored and want to have busy fun-fun-filled weekends and now that I have one planned that I can actually participate in, all I can think about is sleeping.

The forecast is calling for rain this weekend and while most people are angry about this because it’s been beyond gorgeous all work week, I’m looking forward to it. I would feel so guilty lazing around if it was beautiful outside, but if it’s rainy I’ll get my cleaning and grocery shopping done and spend the rest of the weekend watching the rain and reading. Perfect.

I got my notes done quickly in class last night so I left early. I was tired to the point that I was actually starting to feel sick, so when I got home I made a quick salad (followed by an entire sleeve of saltines) and was in bed just before 10! I was so excited to have a really solid night’s sleep. ….and then the phone rang just after 11, waking my from my glorious slumber. It was my husband, requesting a ride home from the bar where he was celebrating St. Patty’s with some buddies. To be fair, 11 is normally when I would be getting home from class so he didn’t think I’d be sleeping… but I’d been talking to him on and off all night via text and he didn’t say a word about need a ride (otherwise I wouldn’t have gone to bed). I was pissy because that morning he had woke me up at 5:45 for a ride to work when I had only been in bed for 4 hours. But I went and got him anyway because he had to work early and it would take too long to walk home. I pulled up to the lights next to the bar just as they were going green and of course there were cars behind me waiting to go…. and my darling husband decides to continue his conversation on his way to the car in super slow motion. This caused me to starting spitting fire because the people behind me were getting pissed I wasn’t going on the green. I literally pointed and yelled “get in the effing car… the effing light is green.” He got in apologizing up to and down, and I just ignored him and drove him home in silence. Our friends probably think I’m a bitch, but I blame my behaviour on pure exhaustion. Of course, by this point I was awake and it took forever to get back to sleep even once I got back in my bed. Coulda killed him. He’s a smart boy though- he didn’t bother to wake me up this morning for a ride to work. He got his hung-over ass out of bed early enough to walk the 10 minutes down the road to his workplace. This some consideration probably saved him about 4 days in the dog house.

Maybe I’m just not safe to talk to at all until I get some sleep.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Baby Jenny Turns 1

Today, baby Jenny, our youngest pup, turns 1.  Happy Birthday Jenny-Bear!

The day we brought her home- May 23 2009- 10 weeks old


With everything going on with the illness in my family on top of my Dad visiting and school, the little things in life, such as thoroughly cleaning my house, have been left unattended for a while. I was on the phone with my Mom on Sunday night sitting on the floor in my bedroom and realized, out loud, that I we hadn’t vacuumed in about 4 weeks. There is a bigger excuse for this which includes a broken vacuum, but the point is, it’s bad. We have 2 dogs both of whom shed like crazy, especially this time of year.

So, my Mom, knowing that I had busy nights ahead of me finishing my research paper and then class after work, stopped by my house yesterday while I was at work, with her vacuum and did the whole house for me. I don’t mean just a quick vacuum either… I’m talking moving couches and everything! Not only that, but then she took both my dogs out to the bush to wear them out off leash so they’d sleep while I worked on my paper. Then to top it off, she left me a bouquet of fresh tulips on the kitchen table.

She was just leaving when I got home and when I mentioned that I loved her new purse (my Mom is pretty hip- she’s a hairdresser, so she has to stay somewhat trendy) and she told me “you can have it then. It’s too big for me anyway. I can never find anything”. !!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s a great bag! I’m so excited.

I have the best Mom ever! She always wants to do nice things for us out of the blue, she wants to take care of us, and yet she’s not pushy or over-involved. Bub adores her and has an awesome relationship with her, and everyone thinks she’s the sweetest thing ever. All you have to do is say “where’s Ma?” to my dogs and they go mental…. They LOOOOOVE her.

She turns 50 next week and I can’t wait to take her some flowers on my lunch break just to see her face. We’re getting some friends and family together at her favorite restaurant that weekend and my sister and I are paying for her tattoo that’s she’s been talking about for years. I wish I had the money to do more for her, but she’s a pretty mellow person anyway so she’ll enjoy it.

After what’s been a really tiring few of weeks that aren’t quite over yet, the work that my Mom did yesterday just to help me out and let me know that she’s thinking about me absolutely made my day. Moms are the best.

The only pic I could find of my Mum and I on FB (that's sad)....
 Please excuse the horrible picture of me... this was day 1 of vacation first thing in the morning which means a) I'm exhausted and had just rolled out of bed b) I have no tan yet.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

*sigh* oh my Edward

I will not fangirl, I will not fangirl, I .... oh SCREW IT! I'm a fangirl! 


The trailer for Eclipse was released this week and it looks AMAZING.  I cannot tell you how excited I am for this movie, being that Eclipse was my favorite book of the series.  So many amazing scenes that I can't wait to see played out on the big screen (hmmm... page 186 anyone? Ya... that's what I thought).

That and... I'm ready for a fresh Edward fix.  New Moon comes out on DVD next weekend so that will have to hold me over. 

Seriously.... that trailer has me feeling all tingly and warm inside.


Friday, March 12, 2010

Cancer is the new Flu

Sitting in class on Wednesday night my phone beeped with a text message from my husband.

They found cancer in my Dad’

My heart dropped. With everything going on with my Aunt, my Baba and the 2 other cancer surgeries in our families in the last month, I had completely forgotten about my FIL’s situation. He has had on-going, but not overly serious heart problems for several years. About a month or so ago he went in for his regular scope to check on his ticker. During the scope, they told him they found polyps in his esophagus that they wanted to check, just to confirm they weren’t anything serious. About 2 weeks ago, he went in for his biopsy. Wednesday- the doctor called with the news that the biopsy had confirmed cancer. SMIL called us to relay the news. The doctor said that he thinks they’ve caught it early, but that we won’t know what stage the cancer is until he gets further tests and scans.

Along with feeling guilty for forgetting about this situation, I was immediately concerned for Bub, but he assured me that he was OK and that it just hadn’t sunk in yet. His step-brother, who was originally on his way to see F and SMIL when he got the call that FIL didn’t want to see anyone, decided to stop in at our place and make sure that Bub was doing OK with the news. I was glad to hear that someone thought about him and that he wasn’t alone with this life-changing news.

Bub continued to do ok until today. I sent him a text this morning and he told me he was at home (which he hadn’t been when I left for work). I called to see what was up (sick, fired… ??) and he said that he just couldn’t be around anyone. He told his boss what was going on, and was told he could take the day. I’m worried about him because now he’s sitting at home alone brooding, which is probably just making it worse.

FIL is taking the news very hard. Unfortunately, he’s a glass half empty kind of person, so I’m sure he has himself dead and buried already. All sicknesses are the end of the world for him, and he’s a slight hypochondriac, so now that he’s been given news like this that actually confirms that he’s seriously sick, I can just imagine that he feels his world literally crashing in around him. He doesn’t want to see anyone and hasn’t spoken with anyone other than his SMIL since he found out.

I’ve already lost an uncle to esophageal cancer so I know how serious it can be. I’ve done a bit of Googling (since I can’t get information from FIL) to get myself informed on what the next steps are, treatment options, prognosis etc. and what I’ve found doesn’t inspire a lot of hope. Apparently, one of the first places it spreads to is the liver. Great. Another go around with possible liver cancer.

So, in the last 4 months between our families we’ve had 5 cases of cancer. Through my IL’s alone, 3/5 siblings on my MIL’s side are battling cancer, and now my FIL on the other side.

However, I’m not going to panic. Everyone is doing ok thus far (even my Aunt has been transferred out of the cancer center and back to a regular hospital after her condition improved exponentially). I’m going to be strong for my husband and encourage everyone to take it one day at a time. We can’t do anything until we have the results of FIL’s scans. The doctors believe that they have caught it in the early stages so that hopefully means it’s operable. We can’t get ahead of ourselves and we just have to make decisions and deal with things as they come. They man only just turned 50, is strong and healthy otherwise and is a good candidate to fight. If we can get it before it spreads, I think we’ll be ok.

I’m just hoping that I can get home early today so that Bub doesn’t have to be alone. He sounds so down and even refused to cook tonight (seriously… that’s HUGE… he LOVES to cook) and said “I’ll just order us a pizza or something”. I wish his Dad would be open to seeing people because I think it would be good for everyone.

Other than that, the only thing I feel I can say is F*ck Cancer.

A Season of Eden by JM Warwick

*3.5 stars*

Review Part I- no spoilers

I thought I would be uncomfortable with the subject matter of this book but honestly, I think that's kind of the point. I was actually surprised how little it bothered me and I think the fact that Eden is 18 and James is only 22 played a big part in that. She's legally an adult and there's only 4 years between them. I didn't feel that James was taking advantage of, or manipulating Eden in any way.

I didn't buy Eden's feelings for James as sincere at first. I felt more that it was story about a desperate girl in a bad life situation who had become obsessed with conquering the attention of this older "man" for validation. Later, I changed my tune. I think the way the James was able to lead Eden to identify her flaws and want to become a better person.... lets just say by the end, based on heractions and thoughts later in the book, I knew what she was feeling was very real.

I couldn't help but fall for James but I wish we had a little more development on his side of the story. He's the type of person I would have liked when I was in HS... sensitive, passionate... hot.

There were several delicious James and Eden scenes in this book that made my heart flutter and made me want to fly through the story. The author is very good at capturing the nerves, tension, excitement etc of a young feelings.

This was a very fast, guilty pleasure read that I recommend for anyone who enjoys YA or a good love story.

Review Part II- major spoiler

What the hell was that ending? Can I even call it an ending? Did I miss something? This is the reason I had to give the book only 3.5 stars. As delicious as I found the read, leaving the end hanging like that almost ruined it for me. I like good solid, well wrapped up endings. Sure I wanted them to end up together, but even if they didn't that would have been okay too...... just TELL ME ONE WAY OR THE OTHER! Don't leave me hanging like that. She confronts him in the church, he kinda smiles, book ends. WHAT? I don't think this is open for a sequel either. I truly think this is the end of James and Edens story.

Perhaps I missed something, but I was so disappointed by the end.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

another quickie...

I don’t really have time for a post, but I’m going to do an update anyway, so here’s the deal.

My Aunt started getting better slowly as of Thursday. No major improvements but she was coherent and actually started drinking a little. Saturday, my Dad decided since my Uncle was going to the hospital, not to go visits her and to spend the day with us (I haven’t seen him in a year). We got a call Saturday night that my Aunt B had returned to normal, her biopsy had been cancelled and that she was either being moved back to her original hospital or released all together on Monday (yesterday). The doctors said that it wasn’t cancer, that it was likely hepatitis contracted years ago during a business trip, as they had originally thought 2 weeks ago. They said it “major liver damage, drastic lifestyle changes (absolutely no alcohol, no rich foods etc) blah blah blah”. As a family, we were in shock. Tuesday night the doctor was telling my Nan to get the family to the hospital because she wasn’t going to make it much longer and then by Saturday there cancelling tests and talking about releasing her? How does that work? We were happy, but also concerned. We still didn’t have a diagnosis and they were just going to let her go? In the past 2.5 weeks we’ve been told it was hepatitis, then it was probably cancer, then it was definitely cancer and now it’s probably not cancer and is likely hepatitis. I’m sorry but when she was on death’s door a couple days ago, "likely" and "probably" are not good enough.

They took her off her meds and IV’s and she made it ½ a day before she regressed again. Her regular doctor returned yesterday and flipped when he found out her biopsy had been cancelled. So… long story short is that she won’t be getting out or transferring out of the cancer center, her biopsy has been rescheduled and she’s back on all her meds. So we’re back to a waiting game and still have no solid answers as to what is wrong with her.

My Baba is the same…. hanging on, being kept alive with feeding tubes and IV’s…. it’s all the same with her and to be honest, I’m at peace with her situation. She’s lived her life and is suffering so to be quite honest, it will be better for everyone, especially her, when she finally lets go.

I spent the weekend hanging out with my Dad. We did dessert and coffee on Friday, we did breakfast, my nephews snowboarding competition and then dinner and drinks on Saturday and then Sunday we went to the flea-market, out for lunch and then Bub made us dinner. Last night, Bub had to work so I took my Dad out for dinner just the two of us and then my sister and nephew came over to have tea and say goodbye to my Dad. He’s going to stop by my place before he heads to the airport tonight. As much as I love when he’s here, I hate saying goodbye. It really, really sucks.

I totally neglected my school work this weekend because my Dad was here. I am so behind it’s not even funny. I have a research paper due next week that I haven’t even started. It’s going to be a lonnnnng freakin’ week getting it all done on top of my regular classes and case study submissions… but next weekend I’ll be able to relax for 2 days before the craziness of finals starts. Maybe I’ll get to read a little? Right.

Okay- off to get some work done and play catch-up some more. My apologies for this jumbled mess of a post. More positive updates to come soon! I’m really not the whiner I’ve appeared to be lately.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A necessary update

I feel like I should be posting about what’s going on in my life right now, but it’s something that I’m not overly keen to talk about. I’m just tired of it all. So…. I’m cheating. I’m going to C&P the posts I put on a forum I use quite regularly.

POST # 1- Feb. 22, 2010

This post could go on forever but I'm going to try to keep it brief:

Crappy thing # 1:

Some of you know that my Baba (grandmother) has been in the ICU for about 3 weeks. In that time she's had 3 heart attacks (2 major, 1 minor) and a major stroke. She's lost the ability to speak, eat... move etc. She has a leaky valve in her heart, among many other issues, along with a DNR. As of Friday, the doctors removed her feeding tube. They are keeping her hydrated, but only enough to keep her comfortable. This means that at any moment, I'm going to get a call that she has passed away. Every time the phone rang long-distance this weekend my heart dropped.

Crappy thing # 2:

My Dad called me Friday night to let me know that my aunt (his sister) had been rushed to the hospital from work and they thought she had hepatitis (though they weren't yet sure what kind). Later that night my Dad called again (for the 3rd time, since he's also the one who calls me with updates about my Baba) to let me know that they no longer thought it was hep and that they were 99% sure it was advanced liver cancer. He told me that my aunt was "really not doing well". She has a biopsy scheduled today so right now it's just a waiting game but she is still in the hospital and still very ill.

My Dad's panicked because he doesn't know where to be (with my step-mom and Baba or here with my Aunt) and I'm just waiting for the next piece of bad news because everything happens in threes where my family is concerned.

This weekend sucked.

POST # 2- Mar. 3, 2010

My Aunt took a turn for the worse. They have confirmed that she does in fact has liver cancer. They can't get her jaundice under control and she's weakening very quickly. To make things worse, the whole floor of her hospital is closed off because of a G.I. bug which she has now contracted as well. She is so weakened that she has fallen twice when trying to get to the bathroom and cracked/broken some ribs.

The doctors called my Nan last night to tell her that "it's likely she won't make it much longer".

My Dad is flying in this morning, I'm at work trying to get things wrapped up and then I'm heading to the hospital (about. 2 hours away).... it's a nightmare. I woke up with a nasty throat and chest cold and therefore probably won't be able to get in to see her. I'm still going down though to be there for my family.

The woman is only in her 50's and was perfectly healthy a month ago. How does this happen? I'm so tired.

As for Baba... I can't even think about that right now. She's stable and so I just have to concentrate on my Aunt.

So, I went down yesterday and my whole family was there. Bon was yellow. I don’t mean she had a yellow tinge, I mean she was bright yellow. Even the whites of her eyes. It was… disturbing. Her liver is just shutting down and there’s really not a whole lot that can be done for her. She’s also got broken ribs and she’s got fluid buildup in her abdomen.

She is coherent but confused at times (morphine induced) and she has a hard time talking. Everything is very slow and labored. Because she has fallen multiple times (hence the broken ribs) she is no longer permitted to get out of bed. She doesn’t understand why and she really doesn’t understand that she is as sick as she is.

We had to take 2 at a time shifts to go in to see her so I went in with my Nan who is just barely holding it together. It really hit home that even though my Aunt is 57 and my Nan is 79, that’s still her baby lying fragile and sick in the hospital bed and it’s tearing her apart. We got to go with her while she had her chest x-ray, ultrasound and ct-scan and my Nan just kept shrugging and saying she didn’t know what to do. I felt so awful for her.

After we left yesterday they transferred Bon to a cancer center in a different town but still about 2 hours from here. This is good and bad. It’s bad we asked to have her transferred here since we have a good cancer centre and there is a lot of family here, but they didn’t do it for whatever reason and we didn’t know she was being transferred until she was already in the new hospital. They didn’t take her personal things so we have to get them from the first place and take them to her. It’s good because now she’s at a place with the cancer experts who may be able to help her. Even if they can’t save her, they may know how to make her more comfortable. My Dad’s down there today, I’m back at work because unfortunately, I can’t afford to be off. He’ll call if anything changes.

My Baba was put back on her feeding tube and meds at the request of some of her family. So, we’re back to square one with her. She’s not going to get better, the leaky valve in her heart is going to kill her…. the feeding tube and meds are just prolonging things.

I’m just tired, and I’m so busy with school right now that I’m afraid I’m not going to get some of my assignments done. I also have a lovely chest cold that’s keeping me up at night and I'm exhausted and feel like crap. I’m trying not to complain though because I’ll get over my cold and life will go on…. and I don’t want to take anything for granted anymore.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Things I never thought I'd say....

Me and reading ???  We're taking a break.

Okay, that's only one thing, but it's true (at least were books for pleasure are concerned) and I never, ever, EVER thought I would say it.  However I'm falling majorily behind in the school department.  This semester is over at the end of the month and in that time I have a ton to do:

-Research Paper: "The Effect of the Christian Crusades on Isalm of the Middle Ages" (exciting right? no?)
-two case study submissions
-ALL the reading for my OB class.... I'm behind by about 4 or 5 chapters right now and although I don't do the reading for either of my other classes (it's hasn't helped me thus far) I actually get some use out of this text book.

....and then the kicker; studying for exams. The first is on April 1.  These exams will be crucial because:

a) I only got 76% on my macroeconomics mid-term worth  40% of my mark... the final is worth 60% and I have to get at least an 83% to get an A overall for the class.  I was so pissed about this because I felt way more confident about this exam than I did about any of my micro exams... and I got the worst mark.  Go figure.

b) I don't think I did well on my term-paper for my OB class (and I really mean not well, like not even a B) which is worth 35% of my mark, which means that I have to kick ass on that final.  We'll see what my mark is next week when the papers are returned.  I'm not at all optimistic about it though.

Soooooo.... what does all of this mean?  It means that I'm not starting another book (aside from audiobooks in the car) until I'm at least a little caught up. This may mean that I will go the entire month of March without reading a single book for pleasure, but if that's what it takes then that's what I'll do.  I have to get my butt back in gear with this school thing.  I'm letting my discipline slip.

I wonder if I'll go through withdrawls?

With Glowing Hearts

I couldn't post this yesterday because I was still basking in the glory and absorbing the wonderfulness that is our men’s hockey Olympic GOLD MEDAL WIN!!!!!

When I woke up Sunday morning I just knew…. I could feel it. I knew there was no way I was going to bed disappointed that night and I think the whole country could feel it. This was our year. Canada was coming out of a 4 medal (3 of which were gold) day, we had tied the record for most gold medals won in any winter Olympics and the country had pulled together like never before. We were finally proving to the world how amazing Canada really is and how much we truly love our country. Patriotic? YOU BETCHA! I find it interesting that so many people were so surprised at our level of patriotism. We love our country and we want the world to know it. It’s the best country in the world.

I saw an interview with a US speed skater who said, “I’ve never seen anything like it. I thought we [American’s] were patriotic… but it’s nothing like this”.

If you watched any of the events you saw nothing but a sea of red, white and Canadian flags. Hundreds of spontaneous outbursts of O’Canada were heard in the middle of curling matches, interrupting television interviews and in the middle of the street for seemingly no reason at all! The level of pride we felt and are still feeling is completely indescribable. Several television segments dedicated entirely to the unity and patriotism the country was experiencing, not only in Vancouver but across the entire country, still can’t explain what was happening to Canadians.

I was an emotional and nervous wreck for the duration of the Olympics. It started the night of the opening ceremonies and didn’t end until the closing. It took over my life for two weeks and I loved every minute of it.

First, the commercials. I’ve never had so many television commercials make me cry in such a short span of time….

From the Canadian Tire “First Skate” commercial to the Sidney Crosby/Tim Horton’s “Wouldn’t it be Amazing” commercial, I spent a lot of teary moments on my couch. Any commercial or footage with the “I Believe” theme brought me to tears…. and don’t get me started on the “CTV Difference Makers” segments.

And I can't leave out those commercials that had the ability to get the entire country pumped up.... "Whose Game" and "Force Fate" are the best examples of those.

My favorite moments:
-Alexandre Bilodeau wins our first gold on home soil.  His reaction and his brothers reaction.... incredible.
-Charles Hamlin wins gold and hops the boards to hug his girlfriend (also an Olympic medalist)
-Clara Hughes wins bronze in the final race of her career
-Spontaneous O'Canada during the mens curling game
-Women's hockey gold and the whole place erupts into O'Canada
-MENS GOLD MEDAL GAME!--> The icing on the cake of an already beyond incredible Olympics and the ultimate victory.  The OT goal scored by Sidney Crosby (fed from none other than my boy Jarome Iginla) was the sweetest way to win that game.

And for those of you wondering... 
-beaver tails are one of the best Canadian treats you'll ever have, and no... they are not real beaver tails.
-those athletes that were accused of not knowing our national anthem? They were singing it in FRENCH!
-we weren't booing our own goalie Roberto Luongo... it's "Louuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu".
- and yes.... here, it's Zed, not Zee.

So, as much as my nerves need the break and my body needs the sleep I am disappointed that the Olympics are over.  It was an incredible two weeks that pulled our country together in the most amazing way possible and I hope it can last.  I was so proud to be a Canadian, just as I always am.  This is truly the best Country in the world and I will never live anywhere else.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Dark Divine by Bree Despain

I loved this book. The Dark Divine was pure enjoyment for me from start to finish and I hated to put it down.  This was a pleasant surprise because usually, when I'm dying to read a book as much as I was with this one it ends up being slightly disappointing.

I was shocked with where the story went because I had no idea that I was getting into a paranormal romance. It threw me at first and I wasn't crazy about the idea of the story, but I got over it really quickly.

I loved every.single.character in this book and that includes the ever annoying best friend. Really... April didn't bother me, which says a lot because I NEVER like the best friend. I loved Jude's perfection and Don's Hagrid like personality and I even liked the parents in this one who don't seem totally clueless as to what's going on in their children's lives (although I guess they kind of are.... it's just not so glaringly "we're the oblivious parents" that so drives me crazy).

I loved the relationship between Grace and Jude, and Grace and Daniel separately. I felt so torn for her. One of my favorite parts of this book is that Grace doesn't give in to Daniel right away. She's not immediately willing to throw her life and other relationships away for the bad boy. She fights it, she tries to do what's right and she tries to be strong.

I easily bought into Grace’s feelings for Daniel because of their history. He wasn’t a stranger, they didn't just meet. They knew each other and grew-up together. It made it more believable for me.

There were several parts of this book that gave me goose bumps (e.g.: up in the tree, out of the roof) and I didn't feel like it was the same old story. Sure, there are some similarities to other books in this genre, but in my head it didn't follow the same predictable path. I'm really looking forward to the sequel to revisit these characters.