I'm a Weakling

Yep… as ashamed as I am to say it, I caved and am still smoking. I didn’t even last the whole day. I am weak.

I was SO determined to quit and I am very disappointed in myself, but I couldn’t think about anything else all day and I felt like I had lost a friend or something. Finally, when I went home, I just grabbed my pack of the fridge, walked back out to the front porch and had a smoke. It was probably one of the best cigarettes of my life.

I don’t know when I will quit (I know that I still want to.. although maybe not as much), but I just can’t imagine my day to day life without cigarettes. I know it sounds weird, but unless you are (or were) a smoker, you may not understand. It’s a huge part of my day and life. I know it’s really bad, I know what it does to my body (and wallet) but at this point, I’m apparently not strong enough to let them go.

I took the weekend off from swimming and running because my arms were screaming at me from moving some furniture. I was back at the track this morning doing my C25K (w1d2) and I’ll be back in the pool tomorrow morning. I’m looking forward to it; because MAN can I tell when I haven’t exercised in 3 days.

This weekend was pretty good! Friday night we were both exhausted so we cleaned the house, ordered East Side Mario’s delivery and watched all our PVR’d shows from the week (Grey’s was AWESOME!). Saturday we got a slow start but we went to see BIL’s new house, went grocery shopping and then stopped at Future Shop. I bought a USB adapter so that I can play all my downloaded music in the car (the part cost me $10 and the install was free- thank god for DH’s staff purchase) and I also bought myself a Nintendo DS. Yes- I’m a little kid. I’ve wanted one for so long so I can play the Mario Brothers game and I got that bonus from work, so I decided to buy the DS and a game and then pay the rest (200-300) onto my credit cards along with my income tax. Saturday night we went to a buddies 30th b-day “rager” (my god… it was a s**t show party complete with way too many hammered people, too loud music and flying birthday cakes in the house- very fun). Sunday I was up and at it at 8am. I put a roast in the slow cooker, tidied up and we went to The Body Show. It cost $10/ea to get it and it sucked, we left after like 10-15 minutes. We went to Lowes because we are going to “reface” our kitchen cabinets. We picked the style and color and I’m so excited about it! It will be the first “major” thing we’ve done to the house. Then we went home, I napped with the dog on the couch while DH watched the third pirates, we ate dinner (I LOVE slow-cooked roast beef w/ mashed potatoes) and then watched Iron Man. It was just a fun/laid back weekend.

I’m back at work… bored already and watching the clock for lunchtime so I can leave to pay our property taxes at city hall. You know your job is boring when you WANT to go pay your property taxes.