Thursday, March 4, 2010

A necessary update

I feel like I should be posting about what’s going on in my life right now, but it’s something that I’m not overly keen to talk about. I’m just tired of it all. So…. I’m cheating. I’m going to C&P the posts I put on a forum I use quite regularly.

POST # 1- Feb. 22, 2010

This post could go on forever but I'm going to try to keep it brief:

Crappy thing # 1:

Some of you know that my Baba (grandmother) has been in the ICU for about 3 weeks. In that time she's had 3 heart attacks (2 major, 1 minor) and a major stroke. She's lost the ability to speak, eat... move etc. She has a leaky valve in her heart, among many other issues, along with a DNR. As of Friday, the doctors removed her feeding tube. They are keeping her hydrated, but only enough to keep her comfortable. This means that at any moment, I'm going to get a call that she has passed away. Every time the phone rang long-distance this weekend my heart dropped.

Crappy thing # 2:

My Dad called me Friday night to let me know that my aunt (his sister) had been rushed to the hospital from work and they thought she had hepatitis (though they weren't yet sure what kind). Later that night my Dad called again (for the 3rd time, since he's also the one who calls me with updates about my Baba) to let me know that they no longer thought it was hep and that they were 99% sure it was advanced liver cancer. He told me that my aunt was "really not doing well". She has a biopsy scheduled today so right now it's just a waiting game but she is still in the hospital and still very ill.

My Dad's panicked because he doesn't know where to be (with my step-mom and Baba or here with my Aunt) and I'm just waiting for the next piece of bad news because everything happens in threes where my family is concerned.

This weekend sucked.

POST # 2- Mar. 3, 2010

My Aunt took a turn for the worse. They have confirmed that she does in fact has liver cancer. They can't get her jaundice under control and she's weakening very quickly. To make things worse, the whole floor of her hospital is closed off because of a G.I. bug which she has now contracted as well. She is so weakened that she has fallen twice when trying to get to the bathroom and cracked/broken some ribs.

The doctors called my Nan last night to tell her that "it's likely she won't make it much longer".

My Dad is flying in this morning, I'm at work trying to get things wrapped up and then I'm heading to the hospital (about. 2 hours away).... it's a nightmare. I woke up with a nasty throat and chest cold and therefore probably won't be able to get in to see her. I'm still going down though to be there for my family.

The woman is only in her 50's and was perfectly healthy a month ago. How does this happen? I'm so tired.

As for Baba... I can't even think about that right now. She's stable and so I just have to concentrate on my Aunt.

So, I went down yesterday and my whole family was there. Bon was yellow. I don’t mean she had a yellow tinge, I mean she was bright yellow. Even the whites of her eyes. It was… disturbing. Her liver is just shutting down and there’s really not a whole lot that can be done for her. She’s also got broken ribs and she’s got fluid buildup in her abdomen.

She is coherent but confused at times (morphine induced) and she has a hard time talking. Everything is very slow and labored. Because she has fallen multiple times (hence the broken ribs) she is no longer permitted to get out of bed. She doesn’t understand why and she really doesn’t understand that she is as sick as she is.

We had to take 2 at a time shifts to go in to see her so I went in with my Nan who is just barely holding it together. It really hit home that even though my Aunt is 57 and my Nan is 79, that’s still her baby lying fragile and sick in the hospital bed and it’s tearing her apart. We got to go with her while she had her chest x-ray, ultrasound and ct-scan and my Nan just kept shrugging and saying she didn’t know what to do. I felt so awful for her.

After we left yesterday they transferred Bon to a cancer center in a different town but still about 2 hours from here. This is good and bad. It’s bad we asked to have her transferred here since we have a good cancer centre and there is a lot of family here, but they didn’t do it for whatever reason and we didn’t know she was being transferred until she was already in the new hospital. They didn’t take her personal things so we have to get them from the first place and take them to her. It’s good because now she’s at a place with the cancer experts who may be able to help her. Even if they can’t save her, they may know how to make her more comfortable. My Dad’s down there today, I’m back at work because unfortunately, I can’t afford to be off. He’ll call if anything changes.

My Baba was put back on her feeding tube and meds at the request of some of her family. So, we’re back to square one with her. She’s not going to get better, the leaky valve in her heart is going to kill her…. the feeding tube and meds are just prolonging things.

I’m just tired, and I’m so busy with school right now that I’m afraid I’m not going to get some of my assignments done. I also have a lovely chest cold that’s keeping me up at night and I'm exhausted and feel like crap. I’m trying not to complain though because I’ll get over my cold and life will go on…. and I don’t want to take anything for granted anymore.


kenpen said...

I'm so so so sorry.

Julie said...

I am so sorry that you're dealing with all of this. Your friends love you and are praying for you - and of course that includes me.

Chic Fit Geek said...

Oh Ashley I feel for you.
I don't know if you are religious at all, but I have a quote that gets me through a lot. "God only gives you what you can handle"
Even if we think we will fall apart and not be able to pick up the pieces, we can do it because He wouldn't give us something that would kill us unless we give up.
Hang in there.