Thursday, November 20, 2008

When I Grow Up

With all the turbulence in the economy right now, I feel lucky that I still have a job. However, I don’t know how much longer that is going to last. I won’t go back into everything that happened with my company/ job in the last couple of weeks (see previous posts for details) but I will say that I am still no more sure of my job today than I was on the day my boss got laid-off.

Aside from constantly wondering how long it will be before they cut me too (which is a horrible thing to live/work with every day), with all the changes that have happened with my role I’m really struggling to find positive things about my job right now. Actually, I’ve been struggling with this for a long time, but it’s worse than ever now. They took away most of my main responsibilities and replaced them with petty little things that are tedious, unimportant and completely unfulfilling. I keep thinking that “it’s ok, just make it work”, but then I think “do I really want to continue to do this every single day for another 6 months, a year, 10 years!?!” The thought of doing what I do for any longer than TODAY makes me cringe.

I don't have any friends at work. We all get along just fine, but I don't ever see these people outside of work and would not share personal stories etc. with them. I don't really want to be "friends" with any of my current collegues (specifically), but in my previous job we were all great friends and it's nice to have someone to talk to throughout the day. In fact, some of my best friends today are my old collegues from my previous job.

I really want to love my job, and it had potential when I started 2 years ago, but with all the changes and restructuring it’s now a total dead end. I know it, my colleagues know it and my boss knows it. I’m at a loss at what to do. This job is good pay, benefits, RSP program, great hours, close to home etc., but I’m truly unhappy here most of the time.

I know I should really not be complaining with so many people losing their jobs out there, but should I really be THIS unhappy ? I don’t know what to do. I don't even know where I would go or what I would do if I left.

I've decided, when I grow up, I want to be independantly wealthy and never work again. LOL

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