Bub was partying in Toronto last night for his buddies birthday, so I was home alone for the night. I usually LOVE time to myself.... have a bath, read like crazy, watch CNN, make something fantastic for dinner.... but last night I just wasn't feeling it. I went to Wal-Mart out of boredom and was checking out paint samples for our bedroom and realized that we still haven't painted the god-awful PINK (and I mean BARBIE pink) spare bedroom. So, I picked up some primer, brushes etc. and decided I would spend my Saturday night getting it ready to paint.
Well... I have never painted before and let me tell you, it SUCKS! I guess I just don't have that gene that allows me to enjoy the decorating process. I have great ideas in my head of what I want my house to look like, but I just don't have the desire (or $$ for that matter) to actually do it. It took me 3 hours and 1/2 a gallon of paint to do 2 walls (this does not include edging which I didn't have the step latter to do- although I did have a few small screw holes to patch and sand). Not only that, but it looked like CRAP! I decided to go to bed and get up early and try again. I think this morning was even worse. The room looks like I let a 3 year old go nuts in it. I tried to edge this afternoon and it's not working and looks terrible. The paint is streaky, it just won't cover the god awful pink and it's going on totally unevenly. I don't know it's it's me, or if I bought bad primer and/or tools.
To top it all off the arthritis in my hands made it so painful that it was all I could do to keep going. My fingers are now so swollen that they look like sausages.
When Bub got home I asked him for help and he couldn't do any better than I was doing. The room is now a lovely combination of white and pink with some of the edging half-ass done and some not at all. It's disgusting. So, needless to say, I gave up. How much time am I supposed to spend on this? It's an 8x10 room and I worked for hours on it and now I have used 3/4 of a gallon of primer!!! Something is not right. Apparently I'm just not meant to paint.
I took the tape off and threw out the drop cloths (they were disposable) and when the primer dries I will move the furniture and boxes that were in the room, back in. I'm just going to have to live with it until I can afford to hire someone to come in and do it, which will probably be years because we're so friggin' broke.
My Mum offered to come and help me, but the key word is HELP, and I want nothing to do with it. It was way to frustrating and literally painful for me and I was almost in tears. Actually I am almost in tears right now because I feel like an idiot. I can't do any of the stuff that I should be able to do when it comes to my house. I'm not handy, I can't paint, I can't afford to do the little things that need to be done to the house (never mind the big things).
I miss my apartment. I've been feeling like this about the house for a while now and although that makes me feel guilty, it's true. We always pay the bills, there's never any question of that, but there's not much left over. I don't know how we're supposed to save for a new roof or to fix the kitchen cabinets and I'm dipping into the TINY (and I mean TINY) savings we have for paint supplies. I used to think money was tight when we lived in the apartment, but thinking back, I should have had oddles of cash. I was making the same then as I am now and there were a lot fewer bills. What I wouldn't give to go back to that.
I have this ever growing list of things that I don't like about the house (some of them drive me CRAZY) and we've only been here since the end of September. None of these things are in our power to fix either. They're either permanent issues or things that would require major renos that we could never afford.
I never thought after years of wanting to buy a house so desperately, that once I/we finally got one I would resent it as much as I do sometimes.
I sound like a bitter cry-baby, and I guess today that's what I am.