I saw my counselor/life coach (we'll call her P going forward) for the first time last week and I'm so glad that I decided to go with her. We just.... clicked. She's a little left of center, but then so am I, so I think we'll work well together.
Her home office was so peaceful and safe. I sat in the living room of her chalet style home, curled up on her couch, covered in a thick blanket, in front of the fireplace. We talked for an hour and a half about my concerns, my background, my hobbies; a general getting to know you. She told me about herself, about what she has planned for my sessions, and we did some breathing work (which the yogi in me loves).
We didn't get into any of the nitty gritty quite yet, but she did assign me some "homework". The first thing she asked me to do was to start a gratitude journal, focusing on what I am grateful for about myself. Writing that I'm grateful for my daughter, my husband, my family, our health, my home? That would be easy. Finding what I'm grateful for about myself is HARD. She wants 5 a day, and I'm definitely reaching, but I can see the value in really searching for these things. Still though, it's difficult.
Secondly, I'm supposed to work on my breathing. The yogi in me is very happy about starting to focus on this again. It really helps me clear my head for a moment, and I really need to make the effort here. It's amazing how good it can feel to stop for a moment, close your eyes and just take a few deep breaths.
I'm also supposed to track my internet usage. We talked about all the things I do to keep my mind busy and off of the bad stuff, and internetting is one of those things. Unfortunately, it's become a bit of an obsession, and it takes me away from doing other things, so it's something I'll have to learn to moderate. She also told me to turn off the TV (which I don't watch, but usually have on for background noise) and switch to some calming music (I have Christmas carols on right now), and she suggested that I nap with Adelaide as much as possible since it's the thing that I look forward to most in the day. It's also one of the only times that I get a restful sleep, because through the night I toss and turn like crazy.
I'm just hoping that she will help me address my specific fears, and hopefully teach me some coping mechanisms, since the "problem" itself can't be solved. I'll know better how this will be handled over the next few sessions.
She's big on energy and calming the mind, which is perfect for me. We're also going to look at my diet and she'll help me to take a more holistic approach, which is GREAT because I've been wanting to do that anyway.
So, I'm still optimistic about it. I'll see her again this weekend (hooray for Sunday appointments), and we'll really get started. I do notice a difference just in knowing that I'm doing something to help myself. I'm definitely still battling some demons, but I'm finding more smiles through the day.