So, with the exception of yesterdays poll, it's been over a month since my last post and yet again there have been many changes. I'm at place now where I feel like I can share what was troubling me so, but I won't bother with the long and drawn out details. Just a general gist and an update.
At the beginning of October, I found out that I was going to be laid-off. After a long and drawn out couple of weeks, I learned that they planned to keep me until the end of they year, but then I would be jobless. This news on its own would normally have been difficult enough to hear, but it was shared with me exactly 7 days after I found out that I was expecting our first baby. 7 days of sheer, over-the-moon joy (and shock) were replaced by panic and the most severe depression I've ever fallen into. Then to add to it, I got very sick. Exhaustion and nausea day in and day out.
I knew that the pregnancy and its required time off with many doctors visits, impending maternity leave (etc.) made me a less than attractive candidate for new work. To add to that, I applied for several jobs everyday for a month and only got one interview out of the whole batch. I was so terrified that I was bringing this baby into the world at a time where I wouldn't be able to provide for him or her in the way that I had always planned. How would I buy the supplies we need, or pay the bills, or even afford to buy maternity clothes? All these questions weighed heavy on me to the point where I was having difficulty with normal day-to-day tasks.
But, by mid-November, after over a month of living in a state of total anxiety, the words of my parents and friends started to sink in. I realized that, regardless of what my job situation was or how much I worried, this baby was still coming in June and I needed to pull myself together. I have an awesome family, a great husband, and we'll make this work. It will be a struggle and I'm still terrified (and stressed), but I've been able to find the joy in my pregnancy again, and have started to function at a somewhat normal level.
So, with work winding down (although there's talks of more temporary work with the same company after the holidays) I'm just trying to get prepared for the year or so to come. Trying to work out a budget, trying to figure out what my options are in terms of a job... all that jazz. It's still a work in progress, but there's a small part of me that excited for the unknown. It's the first time in my life that I haven't had everything planned out, and it's refreshing on some level.
So that's it. I'm coming back. Slowly but surely. And for all my followers, don't worry. I don't plan to bore you with endless details about my pregnancy and baby. I've started a new blog for the express purpose of journaling my pregnancy.... and I don't expect followers. Online friends, please don't feel pressured. It's just way for me to keep track on what I'm thinking and feeling. I'm also throwing the odd belly picture in too.
Hopefully I'll be back to update on some book reviews and on what's gone on over the last few months; including a whirlwind trip to the Bahamas that I need to document before I forget the details.
Oh! And Happy Christmas Week. It's my favorite time of the year.