A Quitter...

...that's what I am.  Well, I'm sure it's how some people will see me.

I dropped the stats class.  Somehow, I managed to pass the exam, but I was not impressed with a 52% (bumped to a 57% since the Prof gave us all a free 5%).  I know I can do better, I just have to approach the class differently.

So, after almost 2 weeks of agonizing, talking to tutors, talking with the family and most importantly with Bub, I decided to drop the class and take it again next semester from scratch, even though it was against the advice of some of my family.

I'm taking a different approach this time around.  For one, I'm not taking it online.  Clearly for this class, I need to sit in front of my Professor to be able to ask questions as we go, and secondly, I'm getting a tutor to walk me through the class from week one.

I know this may seem like quitting to a lot of you, and I think some members of my family will be incredibly disappointed, but I have many reasons for dropping the class.  Anyone who's taken the class seems to understand exactly where I'm coming from. It's those who've never been there that don't get it and think I should just "push through and get the pass" to "get it over with".  But I don't want to just "get it over with".  I need to protect my GPA and I need to set myself up to actually learn something in this class and in the future.

Sure, I've now lost the time and money I spent on the class for this semester (which I HATE), but I think the other stuff outweighs it.

a) I can't afford to have my GPA drop drastically, especially while I'm waiting to have my degree change approved.  If the degree change doesn't get approved, I'm done because I can't continue in the program I'm in on a part-time basis.

b) I don't have the time, energy, money or brain power to meet with a tutor 2 or 3 times a week until the final exam on December 14th, which is what would be required in order to get back on track with hopes of just passing the exam

c) I don't understand the new material because I don't understand the old material.  The hole is just getting deeper and deeper the further we go.

d) I have to take Stats II.... so if I don't have a basic understanding of this stuff and just "get the pass" I'll struggle just as much, or more, with Stats II.

So.... I made the decision and dropped it. I think it's best for myself because I know that I can start from scratch and do better with a little more planning and a different approach.  I wish it had turned out differently, but now I know how this class is and I'll be more prepared the second time around.

Remembrance Day

On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month the guns fell silent. 

This is why we choose today to remember the brave men and women who have fought, who are fighting and the many who died for our freedom as a Country. 

I'm so proud to be a Canadian.  There's isn't another country in this world that I would choose to live in and my pride lasts 365 days per year. So, on this day I have to give thanks and remembrance to those who have ensured that it remains the amazing and free country that it is.

So I say simply.... Thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the sacrifices you made or are making (and for those who will make them).  I am forever grateful.

In Flanders Fields

John McCrae 

In Flanders fields the poppies grow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie,

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

*My own tribue to our war heros.*

How I Live Now- Meg Rosoff

*I wish I could give this book both 3 and 5 stars*


I really struggled in deciding whether to give this book 3 or 5 stars. Yes, you read that correctly. Not 4 or 5, or even 3 or 4... but 3 or 5.

The first way to describe this book is, in my opinion, strange. Very good, but definitely strange. This story is about love, lust, family, perseverance, survival, war, eating disorders, depression.... ya, it's all over the map. That combined with the very unique (and slightly annoying at first) writing style with run on sentences, improper punctuation and random capital letters, is what makes this book so different and hard for me to rate.

At first, I thought "nope- this is just to different for me, I'm not going to like it", but by about the middle of the book I was captivated and totally engaged with the characters. Seeing a story of war from a child perspective, with very little adult influence was very fascinating and very honest.

Daisy is an incredibly interesting MC with a lot of flaws. I think the most interesting aspect of the story is watching her grow and mature emotionally out of necessity for survival. He commitment to Piper is incredibly interesting and I think it's what saves her and gives her the power to keep going.

The Edmund story line was..... just..... weird. Perhaps I missed something, but I really didn't understand the necessity of their familial ties. I got the intensity, but why in inappropriateness? This is where I struggled.

However, this book takes you on an emotional journey that's both sad, terrifying and hopeful. It's the uniqueness of the book that makes it so captivating and I really recommend it.

Failure

The past 2 weeks have been absolutely crazy as far as school goes.  My accelerated class was winding down and is now officially done (I wrote the final on Saturday) and I am in mid-terms for my other classes.

I write my MODES test tonight and am not worried about it.  I really like the class and pulled of 93% on the last test so I think I'll be ok. 

I wrote my statistics exam last Saturday and boy did it S.U.C.K.  I spent hours and hours studying, crafting an effective reference sheet (we were allowed to take 1 page of formulas into the exam) and running through practice questions.  As hellish as it was, the studying went really well.  Too well actually.  In the days leading up to the exam, I mentioned to Bub a couple times that it was "too easy" and it was making me nervous.  Well... my gut was right. It was too easy. 

I arrived at the exam and the nerves hit me the a load of bricks.  I had major butterflies in my tummy, my palms were sweating and I'm sure a good wind would have caused a sandstorm in mouth it was so dry. I normally get a little nervous before exams, but this was beyond anything I'd experienced.

The first part of the test was multiple choice.  I got through the first 5ish questions pretty easily and my confidence started to increase..... but then reality set in.  My system for MC is to go through and answer all the questions I'm sure about first, leaving little ticks beside questions I'm not sure about so I can go back and think about them later.  By the time I reached the end of the section, I had more ticks than I did completed questions.  PANIC.  That's the only word to describe it.  I felt my face flush and my heart start to pound..... and I froze.  I gathered my wits enough to make some educated guesses (and even more random guesses) and then move onto the next part- the short-answer/problem questions. 

The first question was a breeze.  I answered all but 1 part (that I had never even heard of) and was feeling better thinking "okay- I'll make up the marks with the problems".   WRONG.  I answered question 1, maybe 1/4 of question 2 and questions 3-5?  Blank.  Yep.... blank.  I had no clue what I was doing. I didn't even know where to start with them.  I spent the last 45 minutes of the exam flipping between the questions and my references sheet desperately trying to see something that I hadn't yet seen.  I was waiting for the lightbulb to come on and it never did. Finally, with only 15 minutes left to write and feeling my blood pressure at a boiling point, I gathered my stuff and handed in what little I had completed, and left.

I felt defeated, shocked and ready to curl up in a little ball to cry for hours. I've never EVER done so poorly on an exam.... and I knew I had failed or come extremely close to it. However, as some may remember, we were hosting a Halloween Party that evening which had already started without me (pics and post to come later this week), so I had to suck it up and get home to help Bub.  I called him, told him that the exam went terribly and I didn't want to talk about it when I go home and then we went on with our plans as usual. 

I have to say, it really took the wind out of my sails for a couple of days.  I was so upset and disappointed with myself.  I was embarrassed and just really really sad.  I woke up Sunday morning clutching my stomach and thought many times of just giving up on school altogether.... because of one class.  Yeah... I'm a little hard on myself when it comes to school.  I realize now that that's not a solution and am becoming more at peace with it... but I still have a hard time thinking about how poorly I did after all my preparation.

My plan now is to wait and see what the mark is.  If I somehow pulled a passing grade out of my rear (which I'm 99.9% sure I didn't) I will pay a tutor, continue with the class, and just try to get it over with.  It's a mandatory class so I might as well push through.  If I didn't, I will be dropping the class to re-take at a later date.  I can't afford a) the pressure it would cause to bring a failing grade up to an acceptable level, and b) to have a grade from 1 class pull my average down the tubes while I'm still trying to have them approve my degree change.

So... I'm waiting it out.  On the plus side, my HR class is done, after tonight I will only have 1 more test for my MODES class this term (in December) and if I drop the stats class I won't have to worry about it..... which all means that I'd have 1 class per week with no assignments or tests to worry about until December and no exams during the exam period!  That does sound kind of tempting doesn't it?

Book Lust and Cover Love

I'm in the process of making my annual Christmas booklist for my husband and family, which is always fun and always about 100 books long.  It's also a little frustrating because and it reminds me of just how long I have to wait for a lot of books that I'm really looking forward to.  This time last year I was trying to get my hands on a copy of Shiver, and was anxiously awaiting The Dark Divine's release. This year, my list includes books like Crescendo, Beautiful Darkness, Torment, Pegasus, Halo, The Replacement, Paranormalcy  and The Lost Saint.  But those are just the books that I can hope to unwrap on December 25th (or thereabouts).  I'm frustrated by the reminder that I have to wait an eternity for books like Demonglass, Forever, and Sweetly (which I found out today was pushed back to August!).  Honestly people, it's torture.  I have added a few more to my TBR list in browsing Goodreads and, I have to say, I've fallen in love.

Can I just say OH.MY.GOD. I'm in love with this cover.  Honestly.  Is this not one of the most stunning covers you've ever seen?

I came upon this kind of randomly on GoodReads, but I know that I will definitely be picking up a hardcopy for my collection, simply based on the cover art.  So gorgeous.  Luckily, the synopsis sounds really interesting as well. I'm all about retellings lately. 

Entwined by Heather Dixon-

Azalea and her younger sisters dance in the mysterious silver forest every night, escaping from the sadness of the palace and their father’s grief. What they don’t understand—although as time passes they begin to get an inkling of the danger they are in—is that the mysterious and dashing Keeper is tightening his snare with deadly purpose. Luckily, Azalea is brave and steadfast. Luckily, a handsome young army captain also has his eye on Azalea. . . . Lush, romantic, and compelling, this debut novel by Heather Dixon will thrill fans of Shannon Hale, Robin McKinley, and Edith Pattou.

I cannot wait to get my hands on this! 

I'm still (albeit barely) alive!

I'm such a slacker lately when it comes to my blog.  Unfortunately, due to my accelerated class coming to an end (and therefore approaching the final exam) and mid-terms for my other classes, I'm swamped (even that's an understatement).  We've had a crazy busy fall too with my SILs wedding, Bub's grandmothers 80th birthday trip etc etc etc..... I do plan to do a big catch-up post with pictures (or lack thereof) ASAP, but it's probably going to have to wait until after Nov 6th when I write the final for my HR class.  I get a few weeks reprieve at that point to gear up for finals in December.  I'm going to try to post some pics of the Halloween party we're hosting on Saturday... to which I will be late due to a 6pm exam... but I'm not making any promises.

In the meantime... since I don't even have  a new book review to post (I've read a grand total of 1 book for October), I though I'd leave you with a few links to some stuff I've found interesting/funny/exciting/cute lately:

John Green Making Adorable Music  - Um... ya. I want a band worth of these immediately.

You May Now Kiss... Yourself. - strange? yes.  But in an odd way, kinda cool.

Advice from 10 Canadian Women in Power

For the gadget geek in me: 100 Greatest Gadgets of All Time

Rules of Attraction- Simone Elkeles

Did I love this book because it's such an important piece of literature? No.  Did the writing/story knock my socks off?  No.  Did I feel the need to run out and tell everything to read this book?  No.  BUT....did I blush a little while reading some of the super steamy make-out scenes and finish it in one guilty sitting? Hell yes!

As with the first book in this "series', Perfect Chemistry, this story is a total guilty pleasure.  A super fast read filled with hot guys (seriously... the sexy Spanish mixed in with the dialogue is HOT), and steamy lusty make-out scenes.  The story-line is engaging enough that I read the book in a sitting and loved it. 

The characters in this one were pretty interesting.  I really liked Kiara.... from her boyish wardrobe to her stutter, I really wanted her to be happy.  Carlos is just as yummy as his brother was, but I didn't quite fall for him as much as I did with Alex.  He was definitely more rough around the edges, and yet vulnerable too. And um, the car scene in the rain (see book cover)?  Ya... LOVED it. I did love Carlos' relationship with Tuck, whom I was very happy wasn't the typical over the top gay best friend.  I'm getting a little tired of that.  He seemed pretty real to me.

As cheesy as it is, I love the epilogues in these books.  For a romantic like me it's really cute to be able to peek into the future and see what happens with these characters. 

So, was this a great literary masterpiece?  No.  But I really enjoyed it and will definitely being reading the final Fuentes brothers story when it is released.