Another one?

Well, since it's been almost 3 weeks since my last post I thought I should find some time to post... something. Here's just another mass update (I seem to do a lot of those lately):

School:
I'm starting week four of SemesterFromHell and so far, so good.  After class tomorrow I will have 4 stats classes, 1 quiz (on which I scored 80%!!),  and 1 assignment behind me- leaving only 7 classes, 1 quiz, 1 assignment and 2 exams left for that class.  I have a paper due next week in MODR which I have a good start on, and the ball is rolling with our marketing plan (although, I'm still really not looking forward to it). I'm still iffy on whether or not my stats tutor is going to be of much assistance, so we'll have to wait and see.  I do know that physically being in the classroom is a lot better than taking it online in this case.

Health:
I've really gotten back into working out and eating well again.  I gained some weight over the holidays so I knew it was time to get back on the wagon. 

The exercise bit has been pretty good this time around.  I've found a tiered, 3 level mixed cardio routine that I really like and that I can do it in my basement.  So, I've been doing that 4 times a week.  I'm 1 session away from stepping up to level 2 so we'll see how that goes later this week.  It's really nice to have something I can do at home since a) it's -1 billion out, so running is incredibly uncomfortable (and sometimes dangerous) and b) I can't afford a gym membership right now. 

I've even convinced Bub to get back to it as well, and he's now working out more than I am (with the exception of last week when he was sick as a dog).

In terms of my diet, I'm trying to stay under 1550 calories per day (with a minimum of 1200), really trying to cut out a lot pre-package/processed foods and trying to make sure that I'm eating a variety of foods from across the food groups.

Example menu:

Breakfast: 2 slices of sourdough toast w/ light margarine (a fave of mine), tea w/ milk
Snack 1: either raspberries (1/2 pint) or 1 banana
Lunch: spinach salad (baby spinach, low fat cheddar cheese, cucumbers, carrots, turkey w/ classic herb dressing)
Snack 2: veggie sticks and yogurt dip and/or banana
Dinner: whole wheat pasta w/ tomato and meat sauce and low fat cheese (extra lean GB, low sodium diced tomatoes, blue menu tomato sauce base)
Snack 3 : a couple of crackers, frozen yogurt

Tonight I have a turkey and sprout pita for dinner (school night) that's is really, really yummy and surprisingly low in calories.

I had a physical last week (my first in 4 years) which went well:

• I got a rec from the doctor for physio and massage therapy for my shoulder, but unfortunately, she gave me a rec for a location who's hours I can't fit into my schedule.  I'll have to go back and get a general requisition so I can find my own place to go.  I'm really looking forward to tackling this issue.
• She found a lump in my breast, but since I've had one before and it turned out to be nothing, she wasn't overly concerned.  I go back in 3 weeks to check it again and if it's still there then I'll be sent to the hospital for an ultra-sound and mammogram.  I'm not really concerned.
• I got my shots up-to-date and got a script for the HPV vaccine which I haven't filled yet because I'm unsure how I feel about it (it's really new so that makes me nervous)
• my weight and blood pressure are "excellent" according to the good doctor!!
• Everything else seemed fine

I'm also taking a multi-vitamin again and I'll be making an appointment with my dentist sometime this week.  I figure that with my crazy schedule, my body can use all the help it can get keeping me awake, energized and healthy, so that what I plan to do.

Life
My resolution to be more positive and not let things bother me is going pretty good. I'm trying my best to see the bright side of things and it's really made a difference.  I highly recommend it.

Our nephew Oscar turned 1 last weekend and we had a good time at his birthday party.  I can't believe a year has gone by already.



That's pretty much it! I've been working like crazy this month and other that Forget You which I read on New Years Day, I haven't even finished a book.  I have about 50 pages left of my current novel so hopefully by the end of the week I'll have a review to post and then it' on to Anna and the French Kiss I think.

Ok, now I'm back to work!

The "Fat Girl" Mentality.

Ummmmmmmmmm.... so I'm wearing a new pair of jeans today... in a size fricking SIX!!!!

WHAT?!?! I don't wear size 6, I wear size 18. I'm not the thin friend. I'm the overweight but loveable one.  I'm the big one in the bridal party. I'm the bulging bride. I'm the girl who's always tugging on her clothes never quite comfortable.

But wait.  None of that is true anymore.  60lbs and 12 dress sizes later I should be able to say with confidence that I am now officially thin.  I should be able to look in the mirror and see the skinny girl that I always dreamed of being.  But it doesn't always work that way.  I still cringe when I catch my reflection before getting in the shower.  I still see major flaws; stretch marks, jiggly arms and a flabby tummy (I'm not imagining these things either... they're still very much a problem).  I still don't wear a bikini or anything with spaghetti straps and I certainly don't think to call my other thin friends to borrow a dress or cute outfit when I'm in need.  In my head, although I've been successfully keeping the weight off for 2 years now, I'm still the fat girl.  It doesn't depress me the way it used to because I know, when I actually think about it, that I'm now a healthy weight and size, but sometimes I forget and it's more that I'm just conditioned to think like I used to... as an overweight, underconfident person. 

That's why, when my Mum says she picked me up a pair of jeans and I look at the tag and it says size 6, I scoff.  But then when I try them on and they zip right up I can't help give an audible squee.  There's part of me that wants to walk around with the tags still on so that people can see what size I am, or respond to "cute jeans" with "Thanks! There a six" and then happy dance out of the office. 

The fact is, my body is not perfect.  I did a lot of damage to it when I gained so much weight so quickly.  I'm covered in stretch marks that will never go away, I have pockets of jiggly leftover skin that will prevent me from ever having that killer stomach and I have the emotional scars that come from really hating my body and being uncomfortable in my own skin..... but I now consider them my battle wounds.  I worked really hard to lose that weight.  Over 60lbs came off because I walked, swam or ran daily. Because I changed my eating habits and took control over my addiction to food.  I never deprived myself, I never cut anything out, I didn't use any diets or pills or surgery... I just changed my lifestyle and worked my butt off. 

My body knows that it's thin now.  My body knows that I'm a size 6 (or 8 or 10.. depending which jean designer you ask).  I just wish that I could get my brain to catch-up.

My Reunion with my Running Shoes

This mornings run = FAIL.

At 6am this morning, I laced up for the first time in 5 and a half months.  It was bad..... really bad.... for many reasons: First, my iPod was dead so I had no music or timing device. Second, I was in the wrong leggings and as soon as I started running, they started falling down.  Third, it's Febraury in Ontario which means the road conditions and temperature (not to mention the lack of daylight until 7:30am) are less than ideal for running.

After only 3 blocks I was winded so transitioned to a brisk walk to recover.  I adjusted my pants and picked up to a run about 5 blocks later (yeah- 5 blocks- I was really motivated) only because my legs were getting cold.  That run lasted about 3 blocks and then I just gave up and dropped back down to a brisk walk for the rest of the route. 

So yes- I still got my exercise in, but I really wanted to have a good run to get me back in the swing of things. I miss running... I just don't miss the early mornings. My legs were freezing by the time I got home and then were itchy like CRAZY when I had jumped in the steaming shower.  I'm not giving up though.... tomorrow morning I think I'll get up and start 30DS and then do another walk (or maybe a run if I can find some substitute pants and the conditions are ok). 

I'm determined to become that girl who works out every morning again.  I feel like a schlump lately and I know it's the lack of exercise that's causing it. 

I can't wait for spring.

Focusing on my health again....

Okay- here’s the deal. I’ve blogged before about my weight loss and the trails/tribulations surrounding it, but I feel the need to write a quick summary because I need reminding of what I worked so hard for that I am now allowing, albeit slowly, to slip away.


In July of 2007, I decided to rejoin weight watchers, having had success there just before high school. I went to my first weigh in and I was… *gasp*… 212lbs! Yep- that’s right. 212lbs on my 5’8 frame. I was heartbroken. I had struggled with my weight since 6th (ish) grade, but this was the heaviest I had ever been. My husband, who has always been a very large person (hence the nickname Bubba), was at his heaviest at the same time at about 350lbs.

Aug.  2007- Celebrating1st Wedding Anniversary

To make a long story short, after a conversation with my Mum expressing concerns that my husband was literally killing himself- which led to a complete breakdown in the middle of the night complete with tears and one very surprised husband- we decided to make some changes. We didn’t diet, but just made changes to what we were already eating (such as switching to low-fat, low-cal, whole wheat options) and how much of it we ate and we started walking for 30 minutes a day, rain or shine. The weight literally fell off. I’m not kidding. My husband literally transformed before my eyes. The best part was that we never felt deprived, we ate pretty much whatever we wanted, just in moderation and the time spent walking was a great time for us to catch-up with each other. It was so easy and I remember thinking “how could I have struggled so long with this…. look at how easy it is now”. The end result was a combined weight loss of almost 180lbs less than 2 years later (110lbs – him, 68lbs- me).

May 2009- Vacation in Florida

For me, it transformed into more than just walking. For 2 winters, I would get up at 6am and hit the gym or pool for running and lap swimming. In the nice weather, I started running outside. I had plans for a 5K and even took a women’s outdoor boot camp class and was the likely the fastest and most fit person in the class. Aside for not being able to kick my smoking habit, I was LOVING being healthy and feeling great.

Then, for whatever reason (and I still don’t know what it was) last summer, the number of days between runs grew longer and longer. The dogs weren’t getting their regular walks anymore and I stopped tracking my food intake. In September, when I started back to school full-time (while keeping my regular full-time job) my running shoes were permanently hung up. I have not been out for a run in over 5 months. I have not slipped back into anything near what I was before all these changes (I’ve only gained back 3lbs), but I feel it going that way. My husband had also stopped regular exercising and he also quit smoking which had led to a 15lbs weight gain since last April.

As much as I truly don’t have time to fit exercise back into my days, I have to find a way. I don’t have the money for a gym membership this year so I will have to settle for the old cross-trainer in the basement, running/walking outside when possible, and starting the 30 Day Shred. I miss being able to say “I had a great run this morning” or “ugh, what a terrible work out today”. I miss being one of those fit people.

So here’s my plan:

1. Start tracking my calories again. A lot of people say this is a waste of time, but it really helps keep me in check. I have to stay under 1600 calories a day to lose.

2. Three mornings (minimum) per week, get up and go for a walk/ do 30 Day Shred.

3. Once I’m back in the groove of morning work-outs, start Couch to 5K training program again mixed in with the strength training from 30 Day Shred.

I’m determined to become that person again. Everyone was so impressed with us, and we still get questions like “are you still running every morning” or “are you still swimming every morning” and now I have to answer no. I want to make taking care of my body part of my daily routine again and the time demands from school are going anywhere for the next almost 4 years, so I have to find a way to make them work together.

Wish me luck!